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This series is revealing how lasting change doesn’t come from a goal, a gym, or by getting up an hour earlier. Effort and output is needed, but working harder at a broken system only hollows us out and bears no lasting fruit. Instead we are first exploring the depth dimension of life. Are we living life to possess the kingdoms of this world? Are we spiritually free enough to have an authentic prayer? If so, our next step is to subvert the authority (éxousian) of family.

Keven, that sounds wrong! Why would anyone do that? Isn’t family the most important thing?

Yes..and…no.

Our first kingdom in life is our family of origin. The Gospel promises liberty to the captive (Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4:18) and nothing imprisons people like family. Rebellion doesn’t free us from family, graduation does. Rebellion creates interpersonal distance, but that is an obstacle to freedom. We require subversion: “The axe is laid to the root.” (Matthew 3:10). Graduation receives all that a family offers, and then slips through it before it harms us. Healthy families repot its members into bigger pots, they don’t obligate or control them. Healthy families operate on influence (God’s Kingdom), family prisons operate on authority (Satan’s Kingdom).

What can we learn by following in Jesus’ footsteps?

“And they said, “Is not this Joseph’s son?” ²³ And he said to them, “Doubtless you will quote to me this proverb, ‘“Physician, heal yourself.” What we have heard you did at Capernaum, do here in your hometown as well.’” ²⁴ And he said, “Truly, I say to you, no prophet is acceptable in his hometown.” (Luke 4:22-24)

Those closest to us struggle to see us as God sees us. If we see ourselves as they do, we’ll forfeit our self and live a pseudonym. Jesus didn’t do the same miraculous work in his family. Is your family looking at you through “family goggles?” How many counseling chairs are filled with people trying to discover who they are apart from their family? Subversion is not rebellion. Graduation means we are able to appreciate and include all that is good while transcending it. We receive all the good provided but our family cannot “name” (mark) us, only God gets to say who we are.

“And they rose up and drove him out of the town and brought him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they could throw him down the cliff. ³⁰ But passing through their midst, he went away.” (Luke 4:29-30)

We don’t usually think our family is capable of murder…or serious harm. That’s a mistake. There’re many ways our family kills us by stunting our growth: Emotionally, socially, economically, and spiritually. Following Christ as He slips through their midst means we embrace his marginalization as we are marginalized to our cliff. We know when we’re on “the cliff.” Sadly, most of us just live on the cliff…disintegrated from family.

Transformation requires these sacred moments. That’s why I introduced the closet last week in the perfect prayer. Discovering the love of God rewarding us means we won’t attach to dysfunctional love from our broken family. The closet renames us “The Beloved” of God and we slip through their midst. We pass through the insults, doubts, subterfuge, daggers, and napalm of family drama…none of it sticks to us. We receive all the good, and we Teflon the rest. Since our aim is to please God, not our family, we aren’t captive to family manipulation or control. Since God provides for us, we never become a dependent and remain free.

Slipping through family means we become the healing agent for its brokenness. In time, as we live out of our freedom and health, family members will be wonder how we got there. And then we show them God’s family.

Consider Christ’s response to the family prison:

“Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” ²² And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.” (Matthew 8:21-22)

I’ve given this advise since 2012 and I’d say 90% of people reject it. Some go through the motions, but if we’re honest, some are just waiting for a death to liberate them. Some hang around for an inheritance, a name, or a feeling of guilt. Jesus says that misses the point. We must get on with life by following Christ out from that kind of tomb. Yes, it’s scary and uncertain, until our faith is transferred from family to God. If we forsake the family God has for us, we are the dead burying the dead.

Authority imprisons us in obligation. Influence frees us in the compulsion of love. This means we slip through the toxic parts that drag us to the cliff, while remaining compelled by love to serve and heal those parts that would otherwise destroy us. This means we haven’t abandoned anything… real.

Consider another teaching about the family prison.

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. ³⁶ And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. ³⁷ Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. ³⁸ And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹ Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39)

Something deep within our souls knows for sure that subverting the authority of the family is the right thing, but we also know it comes at a cost. It’s a price many aren’t willing to pay. Christ doesn’t make those of our household our enemies, but reveals precisely how our family, in dysfunction, is the enemy of our freedom. If family is our sticking point, we’ve got soul-work to do. Reach out if you’re not sure where to start.

We must become free from our family so that we can free our family.

“While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him.⁴⁸ But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”⁴⁹ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ⁵⁰ For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46-50)

Now we can see Jesus himself subvert the power of his family. He’s not playing the family loyalty card. Our families of origin are to be exchanged for the larger family of God. It’s a new last name/identity. When Jesus asks Who are my brothers? The answer is clear…His mother and brothers…his family of origin.. are those who wanted to throw him off the cliff. Let us not think our families are any better. Family is transcended but is also included in the larger family when they too seek God. Jesus is modeling precisely how we too can slip through our family without losing them…by joining the family of God.

We cannot possess our family by clutching to it, but if we possess God’s kingdom, our family comes with it.