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We come to one of my favorite portions of my favorite Psalm. If ever there is an echo deep within the most pure and true and lasting aspect of my being, which reverberates through time in a dance between the love of God and my experience as a human, it seems to always come forth in this section of Psalm 119. As I read and reflect on the 14th letter of the Hebrew alphabet, nun, may I invite you to become aware of your soul’s response to these words.
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.
106 I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,
to keep your righteous rules.
The imagery of v. 105 is the backdrop of my website, depicted here:
While I understand our human tendency toward pride and self-definition and doing things our own way, I cannot remember the experience of having no hunger or thirst for God and His loving guidance and help. It just seems obvious that if we want our lives to be the best they can be, we must endeavor to hear, know, and obey what God says to do with it. This isn’t a claim that I’ve always had perfect obedience, please… I’m no where near that. Instead, what I’m saying is that even in my disobedience, I knew that apart from His Word, I walk in the darkness of my own mind, emotions, and impulses. Like the Psalmist here, I’ve always known better, and I’ve sworn many oaths to keep myself in check, to do and be better, despite my inability to fulfill these promises consistently. I long to live righteously as His Word calls me to, but as we’ll see in the coming verses, this is a tall order.
107 I am severely afflicted;
give me life, O Lord, according to your word!
108 Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O Lord,
and teach me your rules.
109 I hold my life in my hand continually,
but I do not forget your law.
The gift of God’s grace often shows up as self awareness. Our tendency is to over-appraise ourselves and to minimize our shadow selves. As we struggle with our sin and our inability to live faithfully as God commands, the awareness of just how deep the shadow goes becomes a painful reality. The psalmist sees this in himself and recognizes he is “severely afflicted.” Sin brings fourth a million types of death in our lives and he counters this struggle with a desperate prayer to give us life according to God’s Word. This means that even though the Word condemns us its perfection, we want more of it because we recognize it is the source of life.
He then follows this self-awareness with the action of offering praise to God. This offering, the psalmist knows, isn’t much and likely isn’t worthy but it is all he has…and that’s the point. We offer to the Lord our praise because it comes from a sincere place of loving Him and wanting to praise Him despite our “afflicted” state.
But why? Why do this? Because God rewards such humble praise with more grace, more of His guidance, more of His grace, more of His love, more of His teachings. It’s a precarious balance. While we desire God’s Word, we also desire to ignore it and follow our appetites. This means that we hold our own lives in our hands. We bear responsibility to live in fidelity to the love of God and His Word. If we should forget…and we often do…our lives take dire turns for the worse. This is why we strive to never forget. We keep his word before us at all times.
110 The wicked have laid a snare for me,
but I do not stray from your precepts.
111 Your testimonies are my heritage forever,
for they are the joy of my heart.
112 I incline my heart to perform your statutes
forever, to the end.
The wickedness that we experience in the world exists both within us as well as outside of us. While there may be times where our enemies seek our demise, our ruin, and strive to trip us up, we also have a wickedness that is partly conjoined to our humanity which lays its own snares for our lives. Our appetites, impulses, and over-desires are not good guides on how to live life. These must be tempered and rebuked from the precepts God has graciously given us to live by.
Thus the testimonies of God are our heritage. To the degree that we move gradually into conformity to them, and hold fast to them to prevent straying, to the same degree we inherit God Himself and the life of eternal bliss He promises. This is where our hearts will be overjoyed forever. Where every sad thing becomes untrue because every tear has been wiped away.
The Psalmist shows us that we must keep our mind on the long game….”to the end.” God knows we will never live in sinless perfection, that is not the expectation. However, the wisdom and the gift of God is offered to us when we “incline our inner self to perform…to obey…to act in conformity” to God’s statutes. This is not just a one time thing, its not a perfunctory ritual on religious holidays, it’s not a gesture in a religious service, it is an ongoing way of life to which we give ourselves over and over again until the end. That is what it means to be God’s people, and to endeavor to trust and follow God’s word.
This is the illumination of God unto each step of our lives. We would be fools to forsake it.
