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This series was requested by Michael, a friend and listener in Tennessee, who mentioned that forgiveness was never really covered in my podcasts. I agreed with him that this is a subject that every single person knows something about. Michael was right, I needed to cover forgiveness and offer some perspectives that I believe are missing from the common streams of thought. If you would like me to cover a subject I haven’t, please feel free to contact me.

This series will cover three installments:

1. Pretend Forgiveness
2. Principles of Forgiveness
3. Practice of Forgiveness

If you know anything about my content and work, then you know my field of view often falls outside of the normal, everyday parameters. I’m letting you know now that my considerations here will take us further into forgiveness than the milk toast discussion that our world mostly offers. The premise upon which I will build this series is simple:

What our world calls forgiveness is mostly fiction. Forgiveness, even that required in religious communities, is almost entirely superficial, remaining as a low-level intellectual platitude, a virtue signal, but rarely reaching the depth dimension where the power of Love can do it’s work. This means that forgiveness is mostly nonexistent in the experience of life.

In the same way that our world has a pathetically low view of love, sex, marriage and dating, so it also has a dismal understanding of forgiveness. In fact, I might argue that what psychologists, therapists, and other so-called leaders in this space call forgiveness, isn’t actually forgiveness at all. When it comes to forgiving an evil or an offense of another, the best the world offers is that unforgiveness hurts the one who holds it, and therefore it’s good if we can forgive the wrongdoing of others. On the surface that seems to be on track, but then comes all the (low-level) caveats like:

1. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting…
2. Forgiving is not condoning or excusing the offense or offender…
3. Forgiving doesn’t mean we must reconcile with the offender…
4. Forgiving doesn’t mean the offender is free from the consequences of their offense…

Once these qualifiers are installed into the definition, it becomes clear that a forgiveness which only works for the victim, is barely forgiveness. Sure a person can be free from the internal harm of harboring an unforgiving heart, but it’s only window dressing, because true forgiveness (what I’ll define as a high-view) has not been obtained.

In Judaism, Islam, and Buddhism, the forgiveness bar is even lower. The Muslim is not required to forgive but it’s seen as noble. In Buddhism, suffering continues within us until we release the tension and forgive others. In Judaism, forgiveness is not required and not even considered until the offender offers sincere repentance. Thus, in each of these religions the offended person is free to harbor unforgiveness even if it may be better to let it go. Now compare that to the teachings of Christ:

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15

Now we can see the high view of forgiveness. Jesus ties forgiveness the law of love, making it contingent for any experience with God. In other words, an unforgiving heart is unloving and will not receive love because it lacks the necessary self-awareness of seeing others as oneself. Jesus doesn’t put the contingencies upon forgiveness that the world does. Have you noticed how the church actually promotes the low view, and not Christ’s view?

“If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20)

Certainly, Christ followers can and do make statements reflecting their commitments to forgive those who have done evil to them. While I can’t judge the hearts of others, it’s highly likely that most Christians barely reach the low-bar and thus only play lip service to forgiveness as a culturally conditioned religious performance. I can say this because Christ’s view is to love our enemies, and the common view is to forgive in such a way as to preserve one’s enemies. How is that possible?

It’s my assertion that most people know very little of real forgiveness and the law of love. Our world system promotes a pretend forgiveness, which is nothing more than a platitude which makes us feel superior to others, while allowing us to have enemies with impunity. Pretend forgiveness is the superficial nod to the depth dimension without having to mine the depths of our own pain and hatred. This pretense is painted in our culture as nobility, but its the hallmark of a false existence. Scripture reminds us: to speak truth having put away falsehood. (Ephesians 4:25).

Next week I’ll provide the framework and justification for the high view of forgiveness, and then in our last installment, I’ll provide the practice we will need if we desire to truly experience forgiveness. For today, it’s my hope that we will gain eyes to recognize pretend forgiveness. How many marriages have pretend forgiveness? How many relationships pretended to forgive one another, but still harbor a grudge or doubt? If any wrongdoing from the past is brought up into a present disagreement, then real forgiveness never took place. This means we live in unforgiveness, never experiencing forgiveness.

I’m reminded of the comedian named “Larry the Cable guy.” In his comedy bit, he says some off color jokes, or behaves in an inappropriate way and then immediately says: “Lord I apologize for that…” It’s a humorous way of reflecting to the crowd the superficiality of knowing better but not behaving better. Forgiveness is one of the most obvious ways in which we lay claim to knowing better, but definitely do not behave better. A pseudo apology and a pseudo forgiveness turn out to be neither in reality.

Keven, are suggesting I forgive my abuser? Are you suggesting I cancel my lawsuit? Are you suggesting I keep a relationship with someone who has mistreated me? Questions like this are understandable, and I’ll address them in the next two installments. If I answered you by saying “Yes.” What is your reaction within your soul to your sense of injustice? Thus our grasp of forgiveness is directly linked to our sense of justice.

If we truly seek to forgive one another we must first recognize our need for forgiveness. While we may have been unfairly harmed, we also unfairly harm others and until we see the one doing evil to us within ourselves, we will remain a very long way from true forgiveness. If this were not true, all Christian churches would be the most forgiving places on the planet. Instead, churches are often the least forgiving and the most contentious. If any of us walked into a church community that fully upheld the high view of forgiveness and love, we could perceive immediately that such a community would literally take over the world as the safest and healthiest place to heal and grow.