I think there are many things that hide the fact that deep down we are really just insecure people. Ambition can be one of them. So can duty, or distraction.
It’s subtle. Almost undetectable until one is very quiet…and honest.
We all want success in our endeavors. We all seek advancement. But sometimes we do so for shadowy motives, like:
- proving ourself to others
- proving we were right
- increasing the odds that we will rise above others
- justifying worthless activity by convincing ourselves we are sacrificing for others
It’s all about validation, isn’t it?
Validation by being better. Validation by doing a job others won’t.
Each bit of validation masks itself as progress and is amplified as if it was indicative of correctness, even righteousness… a “Dart of Proof” that we enjoy throwing, an immovable stance despite the facts. It’s proud. It’s a sickness. A darkness.
I believe God shows his love to us by stifling our efforts. He frustrates everything, making progress arduous, painful, or impossible. Because if advancement were to come, we would never question ourselves this deeply.
If truth and wisdom were to dawn on us, we would apprehend that hiding our insecurities is anything but progress. It’s actually an unwillingness to look forward, its a backward focus. It’s regressive.
It doesn’t surprise me that God’s standard for real ambition and progress is to want for others what we would want for ourselves. But how jacked up is it when we desire to suffer ourselves? Because our martyrdom is a badge of honor.
Going down with the ship isn’t nobel if there is a life raft for all. We will have to part with the lesser form of ambition for the sake of possessing something, even someone, far richer.